We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
