I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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