..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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