If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
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Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
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Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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