also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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