chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
