You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
