saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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