Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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