I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
