You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
