i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
