2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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