i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
