It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
