at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
