My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
