who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
