this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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