Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
