I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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