She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
