I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story