I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.