I didn't shave. On purpose
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.