yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
