we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Boobs speak an international language.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying