Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today