Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
