Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think people are normalizing furries
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
