She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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