I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
