So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
