awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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