I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
