how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
