the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I will pee on everything he values.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
