Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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