I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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