PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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