hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
