i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
