i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
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You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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