drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
