No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
