She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
