I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
