im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
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I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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