yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
