sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
