i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
