just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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