I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
