The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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