Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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