my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
