i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I didn't notice because vodka
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
