so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
