Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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