She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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