My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
