she was so not down for the gang bang
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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