You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He passed out mid-signature
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
