I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You're earring is so big in my mouth
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
