When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
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Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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