Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
