dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
